A couple of weeks ago I went to my first therapy session. It lasted an hour and was really just so that my counselor could get to know me a little and find out what she would be working with. The main point that I left with was the new knowledge that I do not give myself any credit for the things that I do. I had never thought about it before to be honest. There are things that I do for my family, but I do it because–that’s just what’s supposed to happen, it’s what I’m supposed to do. What I had never considered is that doing those things, is still worth getting credit for. Becky, my counselor, told me that she wanted me to start giving myself credit, even for the little things. I came home that day and made a list of things that I do that are useful.
The next time I saw Becky, we discussed my value. I told her about my insecurity and my feelings of not being good enough. I told her that I am hesitant to get in touch with my friends-people who have already chosen to have a relationship with me, some as long as six years ago-because I assume that they have better things to do than to talk to me, or to set up time to spend together with me. Becky kindly, verbally slapped me. She looked pretty disappointed in me when I told her that, and she basically told me that was stupid. She reminded me that I am an intelligent, strong, organized, and have amazing insight among other things that she listed. As much as I’m afraid of seeming cocky, I decided that I am so tired of being down on myself all of the time and even if I take it into overkill for a while, I’m going to stop denying all of these great things and more that people say or have said about me, and I’m going to own it!
So that is one of the things that I am working quite hard on right now; seeing and accepting the good things about myself. There are things that I am really good at, and even though in every area possible, I could be better, I am going to stop focusing only on where I could improve and look at the positive traits.
This one is pretty difficult for me. I have never felt good enough, smart enough or pretty enough, and I’ve always convinced myself that I was right, and I wasn’t enough. I’m done believing that. It’s something that will take some time to really believe though. I can tell myself how great I am all day long if I want to, but there is a difference in saying it and believing it. I’m not going to tell myself that I’m not good enough for my husband and he would rather be with someone else. I’ve always known that it wasn’t true, but I wouldn’t allow myself to accept it. Yes, there are beautiful supermodels in the world, but I am not one of them and I wasn’t when my husband fell in love with me, so I’m going to own it and use that as inspiration. My husband honestly loves me, thinks that I’m beautiful and sexy just the way I am. Does that mean I can’t get better? NO! Certainly not, it only means that I don’t need to think negatively of myself while I work on changing the things that I want to change.
This philosophy applies to so many things in life. There is no reason to be so negative all the time, and the first step to changing it is to identify the problem. Be aware that you do this, and when you do this, and stop the thought. Stop the thought, tell yourself that you are beautiful, you are smart, you are blank… Anything. Then work on making yourself believe it.
I’ve had slip-ups since I’ve been working on this, but I know my goal and I believe that I am strong enough to get to where I want to be. I am so thankful for the support system that I have behind me for the hard times. If you are wanting to change and don’t think that you have a support system, or just aren’t ready to tell the people close to you yet, contact me. I would love to be there for somebody else to talk to, to help somebody else who wants to better themselves. Sometimes all we need from others is a little encouragement. Whatever you want to do, you can be strong enough to accomplish it.