I am excited to say that today I my best friend and I were able to keep a common space in our schedules to meet up and have lunch and just hang out. It was wonderful. She and I don’t really get to see each other as much as I’d like, and when we do, it’s not usually for very long. While things aren’t the way I would like for it to be, I am very thankful for the time that we do get to spend together and the sporadic scarcity of it helps me to appreciate it even more.
After a simple lunch, visiting and watching our children play together, I got in my van to go home and it hit me as I was leaving her driveway that this was the first time in a long time that I wasn’t anxious around people, even my best friend. For the last two years, everything that I did was veiled by anxiety and happiness and enjoyment was just outside, just out of reach to me. I could feel it, but I couldn’t grasp it. Today I was able to grasp that happiness and just enjoy my time.
I hadn’t even realized that the anxiety was an issue when I was with her, until today when it wasn’t there. I got to be myself, and just talk and share and laugh. It was great! It makes me wonder what I have been so afraid of all this time!
For what seems like the longest time, I was bothered by the status of this friendship as far as “never” getting to spend time together. Before I was married, she and I spending multiple days a week together wasn’t uncommon. I quickly fell into this routine, and didn’t give any thought to the fact that it wouldn’t always be that way. I didn’t want to think about it being any different. She had another baby, which didn’t change our friendship much, but then I found my husband and she found God. We went in separate directions for a while, still keeping contact and remaining good friends. Eventually I happened to catch up, and I too had a baby and eventually found God as well. These two instances brought us closer again as we could again relate on more levels than had been the case for a year or so.
I have never enjoyed my friendship with her more than I do now. We are both in such different places than we were when we met around six years ago. She is a great inspiration to me as a mother, as a friend, as a child of God and as a wife. She has been with me through the most difficult and dramatic times of my life and I will always consider her such a blessing to my life.