This September will make four years that I have been married to my husband. It is my first marriage, and his second. We learned very early on, after nearly two years of fighting and falling out of love that marriage is hard. We struggled with so much in those first two years, both big things and small things. There were times when I thought that I didn’t want to be married anymore because things just weren’t working out. We spent our first anniversary at a marriage conference, not so much because we wanted to be there or because we wanted help with our marriage, but more because our friends would be there. It wasn’t far into the discussion that we realized that all of the issues they were talking about, were things that we were allowing to tear our relationship apart, even the stupid small things that we would fight about. It didn’t take long to discover that we needed to be there.
We spent two more nights at another marriage conference the next year as well, and while they didn’t talk about ANY of the same topics, we again, related to them all. It finally made us really admit that we needed help in our marriage. We started seeing a counselor, not for our marriage but that’s what has improved the most. Brenda (the counselor) helped us learn how to talk to each other. Three/four years ago, I thought seeing a “marriage counselor” was the dumbest thing ever. After all, “I didn’t marry my husband and a counselor, I married my husband.” I stuck with that stubborn thought for two years. I didn’t need help, I just had to accept that maybe it wasn’t meant to be.
Growing up hearing about Gods word, I often heard:
“So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6).
This verse, and others taught me to believe that divorce was not an option for me. I don’t judge people who have gotten divorced, for whatever reason, it’s none of my business. I never thought that marriage was going to be work. It was supposed to be easy, because hey-if you’re really in love, you won’t have to try….right? NOT! We have been working on our marriage so hard, for the last year and a half to two years. It is not always easy, but it is definitely worth it.
I decided that if I really wanted my marriage to work, I would have to put lots of effort into it and make it work. I’ve seen so many marriages fall apart, because people don’t know how to work on them. It’s sad. The tools to work on a marriage are not just lying around, they are not just given to everyone, they are something that you have to search for.
After nearly four years, I would say that my husband and I have a good marriage. We fight, we argue, we get sick of each other, but at the end of the day…we love each other. We will and have and DO fight FOR each other.One thing that has helped me in keeping a strong relationship when things get rough, is simply asking myself “is this worth getting divorced over?” The answer has never been “yes”. It’s hard. It is so hard, but I know that God is with me no matter what. He will make me strong, when I don’t feel like I can be strong on my own. As long as I do the best that I can, and be the best wife that I can be, everything will be ok. You cannot control anybody except for yourself. Be an example, and if it doesn’t work, at least you will always know that you never gave up and that you did everything that you could.
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.” -Hebrews 13:4-7