Driving home today from a shopping trip with my family, I was in the passenger’s seat, my husband driving. We were listening to Casting Crowns, and I was lost in awe as I stared at the beautiful bright blue sky and the pure white clouds. The song “Glorious Day” came on the cd, and I started singing along and thinking about where I was a year ago listening to that song.
My husband has been a fan of Casting Crowns for a while now, and when he began listening to them, I was in a very different place than I am now. A year ago I had a deep paranoia. It covered a multitude of topics, but the main one was the end of the world. It was such an emphatic paranoia that I would lie in bed at night, and each time a car would pass by the window, and I would see a flash as its headlights went by, I would think that it was a rain of fire. Each noise, would have to be the beginning of battle. What was the worse part for me (aside from the fear itself) was that I was no longer able to appreciate the beauty of the sky that God created. Before this paranoia set in, it wasn’t abnormal for me to sit outside at night, for hours and hours just staring at the stars. I had done this for up to five hours at a time sometimes. I would lay in the driveway, the road, the car or on lawn furniture and just stare in amazement and wonder. However, now, I was afraid to look at the sky because even just a glance at it, would make me believe that it was going to rip open at any second.
I look back and feel like an idiot about it now honestly, but it took what seemed like forever to discover that the reason for this fear was because I was not right with God. It was the main thing that made me begin going to church again, after so many years-some of which when I questioned whether God was even there. Going to church didn’t make the fear go away, and I was convinced that I would just have to live with it forever, or even that there was a possibility that I would end up in a padded room, but it did start me learning about God again. Eventually, I learned enough about God to know that I didn’t have to be afraid. I also learned enough to know that I wanted to learn more.
Today, looking at the sky and remembering how different I was not so long ago, I was amazed beyond belief. I couldn’t find the words to describe the beauty that I was seeing and feeling, and then the line of the song that packaged all of these thoughts in completion, labeled as “the past”:
“One day He’s coming, oh, glorious day.”
A smile came across my face as I realized, that line used to terrify me. I would do everything in my power to not listen to this song, because I couldn’t cope with hearing those words, and knowing that they were true. Now hearing those words, and knowing that they’re true are a beautiful promise.
I know I’m far from perfect, but I also know that I have a relationship with Him. I know that He has done so much for me, so much more than I could ever deserve. He has blessed me in so many ways, and helped me out of the darkest days of my life. He never stopped standing right beside me, and was holding me up when I didn’t even believe that He was there.
“Living He loved me, dying He saved me
And buried He carried my sins far away
Rising He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day.”