Today–more specifically, tonight–was a very clear example of the fact that the progress that I thought I had made, is still not anywhere near the end of the struggle. After an array of auto issues (which seem to be never-ending for my husband and I) I ended up having a thirty minute panic attack, along with a heavy wave of paranoia that I certainly could have done without. Between pushing the car on the highway and nearly being hit, and being towed twenty plus miles by somebody who isn’t all that familiar with the process, it was just not a good ending to my night.
My day didn’t start off much differently to be honest. I was improperly medicated and started the morning off with panic attacks as well. While I will say they have been much worse in the past, I was disappointed to find that I still am not in complete control of them. I also found that there are some issues where the thought stopping and rationalizing just doesn’t work so easily.
I began to beat myself up while I was feeling so helpless, but then I decided not to let it beat me. I AM stronger than these problems, and I will overcome them. It is still early, and I am still so new to learning about all of the techniques and everything there is to manage all of these issues. I’ve come too far in the last month to just give up now, and because of ONE bad day.
Things are not always easy! Yes, that sucks. Big time. However, I believe that I have to keep fighting. My husband always recited the cliché, “nothing worth it is ever easy”… I hate when he tells me that, usually because I know he is right. This is something that is worth fighting for. A better wife. A better mother. A better me.