My husband and I have had a friend staying with us for a while now and he and I have been talking a lot about drawing. He has been subtly encouraging me to practice drawing humans (because I’m quite open about the fact that I SUCK at drawing faces). I’ve started researching pictures of women online and I’ve ended up changing my focus from drawing humans to plus sized women. While I was looking at pictures to use for reference and inspiration, I came across several websites and galleries dedicated to proving that fat does not equal unhealthy or ugly. Having been over-weight for most of my life, I find myself suddenly very interested in these types of collections.
With all of the searching I’ve been doing lately and trying to become the woman who I feel I am supposed to be, this just seems like the natural next step. I feel a bit insecure about blogging this, but it’s not like my weight is a big secret anyway, so I’ll just go with it. Maybe it’s time that I start loving my body for what it is, rather than hating it for what it could be. I’ve always been disgusted by the fact that the word fat generally sets off alarms as if to warn people to stay away. Now I’ve been reading facts and statistics that have gotten me thinking: I’m fat. Whatever. It’s just a word, and dressing it up to sound prettier doesn’t change what it means (and honestly, goes against the actual point I’m trying to make here). Fat doesn’t have to mean ugly….in word or in physical form.
I often see women walking around wearing clothes that are very tight on them and even catch myself thinking “she shouldn’t be wearing that”, but on the other hand, I’m also frequently jealous of the fact that some women can be so comfortable with themselves and their bodies that they don’t care what other people think. I have a tighter lid on modesty than most it seems, so I would still have my limits (not to say that my boundaries are better than those of other people), but I have been trying to figure out why.
Why do I care what other people think about how I look? Why do I care if they like how I am dressed? I know that my husband thinks that I am sexy in tight jeans and shirts that hug my curves (which I always change out of, feeling they’re “too small”). Who else am I trying to impress??? If somebody else doesn’t like what I’m wearing, or wants to judge me based on how tight my shirt clings to my less-than-supermodel form, I’d say that THEY are the ones who have a problem.
Health wise, I know that weight has its risks, but then What doesn’t these days? I have a healthy heart, good blood pressure, good cholesterol….I am a healthy person, regardless of being over-weight. Plenty of fit, “healthy” people have heart attacks. So I find myself wondering, what’s the point? I’m active, I’m healthy, and I’m not trying to impress anybody. Why should I live my life wishing that I was something different, or that I could enjoy something different? I know that I am a beautiful woman, and I think that it is time for me to stop allowing society make me believe otherwise!