Music is a powerful thing. I’ve loved music ever since I was a little girl. In the second grade I was the student of the month, and had to draw a picture of what I wanted to be when I grew up…I drew me on a stage, singing. The only problem with that? I can hardly speak in front of people, much less sing in front of them. Still, music holds lots of meaning to me. I can listen to almost any song, and find some way to relate it to my life. Each and every event in my life, has a song attached to it, whether it’s because the song had meaning to the event itself, or simply because it can perfectly describe feelings or situations. There are songs that signify my childhood, songs that remind me of my dad, my mom, my sister, my first love, my first heartbreak, exes old friends, dating my husband, getting married, having my child, etc. I will listen to every type of music. There is no standard to me, I will listen to absolutely any type, and while people usually get very annoyed by that (for some reason), I am actually very pleased by it. I feel that it shows my diversity. It’s all art to me, and I appreciate different kinds of art.
While my “diversity” is usually something I am proud of, it has its occassional drawbacks, such as listening to an old favorite and having it bring up memories of things, times or most often, people who I don’t really want to think about anymore. On the other hand, music and lyrics will often describe the feelings that I have yet to find the words for. Currently the song that best ascertains my feelings/thoughts is “What If I Stumble” by DC Talk.
“What if I stumble? What if I fall? What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all? Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl? What if I stumble? What if I fall?”
It hadn’t crossed my mind in any way until I recently heard this song, but the symbolism of “my walk becomes a crawl” just hit me very hard, and I realized that it sort of sums up where I feel that I’m at in my walk with the Lord. I feel that I’m crawling. I’m not including God in my daily life as I once did, and it’s not intentional, and it’s not the way I want to continue to live. I hadn’t realized that I felt that way, until it was put into these words that just made me get it.
This song has become a new favorite, and has been the jump-start that I didn’t know that I needed to remember to seek God in all that I do. Like anything, it’s a habit that has to be formed. Right now, unfortunately, it isn’t easy, it isn’t automatic to think about God first in every situation that comes up.
This last month has been a very financially stressful month for my family, and with what seems like everything crumbling down while we fight to get by, it was excellent timing to hear this new (to me) song, and this new reminder. It couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m so thankful that I serve a God who will allow me to make mistakes, and will always take me back into his arms.
“I hear You whispering my name [You say] ‘My love for you will never change’.”