I’ve been reading The Resolution for Woman by Priscilla Shirer over the past couple of weeks.
I began reading this book looking to learn more about God. I’ve been considerable surprised that what I’ve really found, isn’t as much about God, as it is about who God wants me to be. I’ve found myself in reading this, and it’s not a part of myself that I am all that eager to share, but to keep the reality in my blog, I am choosing to share regardless of what it may do to my pride, because there are far more important things going on here.
In this book, the author writes briefly about the “two greatest fears” that men/husbands possess. Those being, “the fear of being found inadequate” and “the fear of being controlled by a woman”. To sum things up without going into the whole four-year history, I’ll just say this-it appears that I have unwittingly done or at least tried to make my husband live under both of those fears.
Not a proud moment.
“He has been divinely wired to be a leader, father, and provider for your family. And the last thing he needs or wants is a wife who doesn’t believe it, who’s always correcting him, unwilling to either recognize or support those qualities in him.”
I’m sad to say that it hadn’t ever crossed my mind in that way. It’s actually quite disappointing to realize that this is how I have been acting, by essentially not supporting all that my husband does for our family. Let’s face it, it’s often easier to complain about what isn’t getting done or to criticize the smallest mistakes, but that’s no excuse. I rarely stop to think first,
“…your basic default is to love and take delight in him.”
As for the control, that is something that I had already been struggling with inside myself, and now it has revealed another layer.
“If you try to control him and force him into your way of thinking, you will break something that probably didn’t need fixing, just understanding and valuing.”
Another “oops” moment.
The next part of this topic that really got me was about what she calls “the script”.
“We’ve all done this to some degree–written out the script of our lives. We’ve brought our expectations into this relationship, into this situation, into this arrangement of circumstances. We haven’t exactly been forthcoming with everybody about everything we’ve written, but that’s mainly because we didn’t really know we had these expectations until we were actually living in this home situation.”
Just reading this has taught me so much that I didn’t see before, and upon reflection, even more of who God wants me to be. He wants me to be patient and graceful, and although I already knew that, this gave me a better, more specific understanding of exactly how to do that. And it all starts at home.
“It’s time for this fantasy stage to fade to black. The lights and glamour just aren’t ours to command anymore.”