There is a temptation to sin. The temptation to get closer to the sin, while trying to justify that if we only get closer, we are still okbecause we aren’t the ones sinning. I’ve been struggling with this myself for the past week or two. I’ve been open about every detail with those who are close to me. Subconsciously, I knew that I needed to be held accountable, and the only way I knew to make sure that would happen, was by not keeping my struggles a secret.
The temptation of sin has been hanging over me and weighing down on my shoulders in the heaviest way. It has consumed my thoughts, and pulled my focus from where it needed to be more fully focused; on God.
I think that as I grow in my relationship with God, I have a lot of slip ups, and one of those I would consider to be praying out of habit rather than desire at times. On occasion, I’ve found that I pray daily, not because I want to talk with God or hear from God, but sometimes because I feel like I’m supposed to pray. This is an area that seems to be brought to my attention quite regularly lately, and I believe that Gods message has finally gotten through and I know that it is something that I need to change. Not only that needs to change, but something that I want to change.
Last night, was an honest prayer. I’ll go as far as saying that it was a desperate prayer. I’ve prayed about my current struggles before, and prayed earnestly about them, but last night was different. It felt different, in a way that I can’t easily describe. But I know that God was there. I think that sometimes that still slips my mind. That He is always there. I feel that when I allow myself to forget that, my spirituality suffers. Maybe you can relate.
My desperation hadn’t escaped me upon waking up this morning, but nor had the knowledge that God was still with me. As I sat at the edge of my bed and began to write, a sudden clarity came over me, and I filled the pages of my journal with words, and feelings and emotions that were just flowing out of me without thought.
What did I come up with?
Fighting temptation isn’t supposed to be easy! Otherwise it wouldn’t be temptation. How could this simple fact have been eluding me so easily as I was feeling the pressure of dealing with my problems? Because that’s how it works. The devil wants us to forget the basic facts, and give in to the temptation that he puts around us.
It didn’t take me long to realize what both my Bible and a friend had already told me, “Flee from sin”. Somehow, this statement took on a new meaning, and a new weight. I finally “got it”! “Flee from sin”–get away from sin–all of it. I realized that each time that I gave in, just a little bit, I was adding fuel to the fire and turning from God a little more each time. This morning was the first time I can confidently say regarding this situation, I didn’t give in. I fought it with everything in me. I fought it, knowing that God is in me. as a result, I can feel God again, and I know that He is here and that He never left.
I recently read about how it is impossible to serve both the flesh and the Spirit. This too, under current circumstances, took on a new level of meaning to me. This is exactly what I’ve been trying to do, to serve both. Inside, I knew that it wasn’t something that I could do, and I knew what I needed to do, but the flesh wouldn’t allow me to admit it fully. I can’t serve God if I am fuelling the desire to sin, and that is just what I had been doing. Just adding a little fuel, thinking that nothing bad would happen. That isn’t how it works! A little fuel will go a long way when it comes to burning down a temple. I belong to God. I am His temple. I will not continue to allow it to burn. The flesh or the Spirit. It’s one or the other, and the choice is clear!
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”