I’ve been struggling between the flesh and the Spirit for a while now. The Bible tells me that I can only serve one, and I’ve been fighting to find out how I need to be controlling them-to find where my control is best placed in this situation. I had been trying so hard to basically order myself to follow the Spirit and do nothing wrong, and let me just tell you, that got old quick. It didn’t take long before a “need” to rebel sprouted up inside of me. As a result, I really just turned away from everything that I had been trying so hard to follow, including God, once again. I stopped reading, I stopped searching, I stopped wanting, and I stopped thinking about it–about life and about Him.
Today, I remembered everything that I have been working for over the last six months, and I decided that it was time to stop wishing that I could take control, and once again start actively doing it. So today when my flesh began to take over, instead of letting it go, and letting it win, I paused. I took a breath. I got out my journal, and just started free writing. I wrote the situation, and the circumstances and the solution that I intended to follow through with. The solution was that I will not continue to let this rule me. I’ve made this decision so many times about so many things, but each time something new comes along, it’s still very freeing when I remember that I am stronger than any problems that I am facing. Why? Because God didn’t make me to be fearful of everything that happens to me in this world. I don’t choose my anxiety and my panic, but I can choose to overcome it.
I have been blessed with a wonderful person in my life, although for only a short season, I have learned so much from her. Among so much else, she taught me not only that I can control my mind, but how to control my mind. Easy? Not really, though at first, I thought that it was. As time has passed by, I’ve been finding it more and more difficult to use and to remember to use the tools that I have learned. Sometimes it takes a reminder for me to know how strong I am, but it is the truth. I am strong. I can control my flesh.
What had escaped me, was that I was once again trying to make God follow me rather than following Him. An all too common mistake. It’s easy to do. In being wrapped up in the things going on in my life, I lost sight of the path that I had been following; “the narrow gate”.
This all came to me in a way that I can’t explain, which is rare for me, but suddenly I just know that I’ve opened myself up to accept the peace of God once again. My problems? Yeah, they’re still here, but I’m calm. Once again, I can see the bigger picture and I know what it is that will bring me through my troubles. After all, what that is hasn’t changed. He’s always been there.