Life has seemed like an up-hill battle since God began changing my life a few short months ago. The devil has thrown so many different issues at me to deal with, it’s almost unbelievable. The latest of which, is one that touches me deeply due to the nature of it-and let’s face it, Satan knows that as well as I do, and that’s what makes it a great point of attack.
I’ve always had my issues with other people; wanting so badly to be liked, and trying so desperately to fit in, much like anyone else…but in excess. It’s something that I’ve been working on, and thought that I had been doing quite well with, until I was recently shown otherwise.
I’ve become somewhat close to a person, who, for some unknown reason, has had a special place in my heart since day one. We have very different views on a few different things, and in the past I would have used those things to disqualify the possibility of friendship with that person. Now, however, they’ve become things that I’m learning from and understanding how to stand my ground on, and be firm in my own beliefs.
Certain conversations have been had recently, which have been forcing me to further question this relationship. I’ve found that I’ve started seeing things in terms of good or evil, God or Satan, black or white–no grey area whatsoever. It has me analyzing every situation even more than I already would have in the past. Each little thing that happens to spark any sort of emotion in me…I’m taking it as a test.
Most recently, a comment was made, and to be honest–I’m just not sure how I should take it. My flesh impulse told me to attack immediately. Retaliate, get him back, go off on him…all things that I know better than to actually do. I didn’t reply, which is in itself a
big deal for me, formerly being a person who would seek out fights and confrontation if I needed to vent a little steam. The operative word there? Former. I know that I am, “a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun” according to 2 Corinthians 5:17. I’m not being prideful, and certainly not bragging, but it is a relief to me when I can see the scriptures being applied to my life. It brings a sense of calm, and reassurance that can only come from God.
So yes. I chose not to reply. I took my hurt, and my confusion and I went to the only One who can heal the broken-ness. I’ve spent my last few days in bed with an ear infection, unable to take care of any of my wifely/motherly duties or absolutely anything around me, so I hadn’t really been spending any time with God. I wasn’t coherent enough to do so, when I did get the desire. Yesterday was my first day back out of the bed, and into the world and to be truthful, time with God wasn’t planned into my day anywhere. But last night, when trouble hit me and I didn’t know what to do…the answer was clear. Right in front of me was the Bible study that I’ve been working on, and wouldn’t you know it, the chapter that I was due to start on applied perfectly to what I was dealing with. God had my answer, as he always does. Now, that answer wasn’t a screaming action that I am supposed to take or any sort of response to the situation at hand. The answer that God spoke to me, so clearly, was to simply, “Be still, and know that I am God” – Psalm 46:10. A new understanding of that verse came to me in that moment. Finally, after reading it and hearing it so many times, now I really got it.
The situation is needing my action. It’s needing my God. It’s needing my faith. It’s needing my focus…to be on Him.
So I have my answer. That doesn’t make it easy, but it does reassure me that it’s possible.
“Everything is possible for him who believes.”
– Mark 9:23