The Truth About “Love”

Browsing through the feed of my Facebook has been quite the source of sadness and heartbreak for me in recent months. There is an issue that has been heavy on my heart–quite possibly because it relates to people much like myself. These people so much like me, yet still so different.
I suppose though, I was just like them not too very long ago.

At the age of eighteen, I thought that my life was over, after all, things didn’t go as planned with a boy. Tragic, I know. Things didn’t work out with the first boy that I was interested in and so I more or less began a search of “the one” who would “fix” everything so I could get my life started.
I really was looking for “the one”, but in reflection, I now know (and wish that I had known then) that what I should have been looking for was the One.

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been reading Kyle Idlemans book “gods at war” and I’ve been thoroughly enjoying it. This evening I began “Part 4 The Temple of Love” and have struggled to make it through each paragraph thinking about certain women in my life and/or women who are no longer in my life as much as they once were.

Mr. Idleman says, “Our culture holds up romantic love as the greatest and noblest of pursuits.” The truthfulness of that statement breaks my heart.
Having been one of the girls who was in the pursuit of nothing more than romantic love and remembering how exhausting it is, and knowing what I know now, I just ache for any women (or men, to be accurate) who are putting themselves through such pain in search of a fantasy.

The book goes on to say, “When you say to someone, “I want you to satisfy me; I want you to save me; I want you to be my source of significance,” what you’re really saying is, “I want you to be god to me.”
I know so many women in that position, some who have found their “god”, some who have found him many times and some who are still using every known resource to search for him. When I found my husband, those were all things that I wanted him to be for me. I wanted him to save me, satisfy me, and make me significant.
Oh, had I only known then that there is only One who can do all of that for me.

It is my fervent prayer that anyone who is in the pursuit for love, the pursuit to become complete, will find the only One who can truly be that missing piece-the Only One who will truly matter in the long run. In Him is the only place to find true happiness and contentment.


As I’ve said before, I have a three-year-old daughter. She is another reason that subject is so close to my heart. At this young an age, culture (and by “culture” I mean Disney) has already taught her that a princess needs to marry her Prince. In the past month, my little girl has purposes to nearly every man in the family and has tearfully asked her daddy, “Who can I marry?” She has cried to her grandpa, “Daddy said he can’t marry me.”
It has proven difficult to teach her otherwise when the rest of the world is telling her that she needs to find her prince as soon as possible in order to be happy.

“The truth is, you and I were made for a love far deeper, far richer than any human relationship can offer.” – Kyle Idleman

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Posted by on April 11, 2013 in Life in General


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Lessons from Timothy

“For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either.
If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.
But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction.
For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” – 1 Timothy 6:7-10

Tonight I returned home from dinner with my parents with every intention to continue reading where I had left off in “gods at war” by Kyle Idleman. I had previously finished chapter nine, titled “the god of money” and was to begin chapter ten, “the god of achievement.”

My plans changed when I got a text message from a friend. We exchanged greetings and a bit of small talk before he mentioned that he’d been reading Timothy. In that, I heard more than my friends activities. I also heard God.
Although I didn’t yet know why, I felt God pulling MD into His Word.

Generally I’m a pretty fast reader but that was not to be the case tonight. Nearly an hour and a half and only six short chapters later, I had two pages of notes and a heart weighed down by guilt.

While I knew that there was trouble, I had yet to put my finger on just the right page. Tonight, however, the Shepherd felt that it was time to lead me directly to it. 1 Timothy 6:7-10-more specifically, verse nine…

“But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and…plunge into ruin and destruction”


At the time of my last two posts, I wasn’t ready to disclose the details of the “struggles” my family was dealing with, and while I still don’t think that “ready” is the right word, my Bible tells us to ”

confess your sins to each other and pray for each other”

in James 5:16.

Over the past month, my husband And I have lost our car, our only means of transportation, nearly all of our utilities, many of our possessions and nearly lost our house.

We had fallen prey to the commercialism of Christmas and as much as we had tried since them, we have not been able to dig ourselves out of the hole we got ourselves into.
We have spent the last month living without many things that most would consider to be necessities, yet still rejoicing, knowing that our circumstances could be far worse.

We have known where we went wrong and that God would be our only chance at recovery.
Tonight was the night when everything fell into place. We had wandered off the narrow path, but its time to find our way back.

“If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.” 1Timothy 6:8

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Posted by on April 9, 2013 in Life in General


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Purposeful Femininity

It has been becoming increasingly evident to me as of late that I am becoming more feminine.
I know, I know–at twenty three years old, I should have probably figured it all out by now, but I guess you could say I’m a bit of a late bloomer.

Growing up, I was the girl with baggy jeans and greatly oversized t-shirt. I had unkempt hair and make up and nail polish? While I owned plenty, I would rarely be caught wearing either. No, I was much more likely to be found biting my nails or working on some construction project with my dad.
On the other end of the spectrum you would find my sister. Well–you might find her there, or more likely out shopping. Yes, she was always the “fashion plate” of the house, always knowing what was in style.
It’s a running joke in the family that she was born three weeks past due because she couldn’t decide what to wear and how to fix her hair.

Around the time when I accepted God into my heart, He began planting seeds of femininity. At first, I really didn’t notice. In fact, most of my life I had spent time deliberately avoiding anything that would place me into the category of being feminine or “lady-like.”


Over time I have come to accept that God created me as a woman and with that, He has intended for me to act as such.
It occurred to me a few nights ago as I sat painting my nails for the spring season and upcoming Easter for the second time within a week, that while I may not have been intentionally making these changes in myself, it certainly seems that Someone has.

Purposeful femininity has never been a topic in which I’ve invested much attention or thought, however, I have been actively seeking to be the godly wife that I know I was designed to be and with that, also goes being feminine.

I’ll be the first to admit that I have still got quite a long road ahead of me to fit perfectly (as if there is such a thing) into the role of the Proverbs 31 woman, but every trip has to begin somewhere, right? I can certainly see the distance that has already been travelled and I eagerly look ahead to see what other surprises I may find.

As I continue on this journey, I can only continue to rely on the Power of the Father and will continue to pray that He guide and teach me to be the crown that glorifies my husband. What better way to do that than to be the woman that God had in mind when he created me?

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Posted by on March 27, 2013 in Wife


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Music Speaks: Strong Enough

Strong Enough
Matthew West

You must, You must think I’m strong
To give me what I’m going through.
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I’m wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

Well maybe
Maybe that’s the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I’m finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well that’s when I start looking up
And reaching out

Cause I’m broken
Down to nothing
But I’m still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong 
when I am weak.

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

I know I’m not strong enough to be
everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not strong enough
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord right now I’m asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

I feel that little needs to be said in addition to this song. This is very exemplary of where my heart is at right now; crying out for God to be my strength when so much has gone so wrong.

“Maybe that’s the point, to reach the point of giving up. Cause when I’m finally at rock bottom, that’s when I start looking up.” A less eloquent version of this line has been running through my head all week, as I’ve known that I am not alone in all of the troubles I’ve been dealing with. Giving up was certainly a first thought, yet it was immediately followed by appreciation for the need to rest on God.

“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
– 2 Corinthians 2:10

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Posted by on March 17, 2013 in Music Speaks


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This Is A Test

Over this past week, my family has been bombarded with trials and blows of disappointment. I’m not speaking lightly in using plural terms.

While the exact details are not those which I am yet ready to share with whoever may be reading, I am asking for prayers from everywhere possible.

My husband and I are undergoing some serious tests right now. Our faith is being tested. Our love is being tested. Our family is being tested.
We are only in the beginning of this affliction, and we stand with much to lose.

The only thing that I can currently say with any measure of confidence, is that God is with us. God has never left us, and He will get myself, my husband and our family through this heartbreak.

As a multitude of pain attacked our family, all within a matter of only three days, we quickly identified our hardship as an attack from Satan.

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
– 1 Peter 5:8

There is no doubt that he has found an area to direct his focus upon. He found us. What he didn’t know, is that we are ready for him. While we weren’t expecting the specific nature of what has happened to its full extent, we were not taken by surprise that something happened.
The Bible tells us all over that the devil is out to get us, and that we need to stay strong in Gods Word. So in this trying time, I also recognize this as a time to be thankful to know the Comforter. I can see this as a time to rely on the Provider, and I can know without a doubt that things will be ok, one way or another, because my family is resting safely in Gods loving hands.


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Posted by on March 15, 2013 in Life in General


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Music Speaks: “Monster” & More

Four years ago, I married a monster.
He as wounded, lost and filled with rage. The monster that I married believed that God was to blame for so many hardships and tragedies throughout both his childhood and his adult life.
The monster was violent and in search of any and every outlet he could find to unleash his anger.

HusbandSomewhere along the line, the monster had a few meetings with God and learned that he was off track with his misplaced anger and blame.

Four years and six months after getting married, the monster that I joined my life to is nowhere to be found.
The monster has since rebuilt a long dormant relationship with Him and rediscovered that the Savior is just that.

Today is my husbands 33rd birthday, and I am so proud of the man that he is and that he is becoming. I consider myself very fortunate to have found a man with whom I can learn and grow. We’ve been able to rediscover the wonder of the Lord near the same time period together in our marriage and it has been an exciting walk and I’m so thankful that we’ve been able to do it together.

(Happy Birthday, baby.)

by Skillet

The secret side of me, I’ll never let you see.
I keep it caged but I can’t control it.
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly.
I feel the rage and I just can’t hold it.

It’s scratchin’ on the walls, in the closet, in the halls.
It comes awake and I can’t control it.
Hidin’ under the bed, in my body, in my head.
Why won’t somebody come and save me from this
Make it end.

I feel it deep within
It’s just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster.

My secret side I keep, hid under lock and key.
I keep it caged but I can’t control it.
Cause if I let him out, he’ll tear me up, break me down.
Why won’t somebody come and save me from this
Make it end.

It’s hidin’ in the dark
It’s teeth are razor sharp
There’s no escape for me
It wants my soul, it wants my heart.

No one can hear me scream
Maybe it’s just a dream
Or maybe it’s inside of me
Stop this monster.

I feel it deep within
It’s just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I’m gonna lose control
It’s something radical
I must confess that I feel like a monster.

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Posted by on March 5, 2013 in Music Speaks, Wife


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Wrong Generation

I have come to the decision that I was born in the wrong decade.Decades

I can’t tell you how much I crave the good ol’ American values and wholesomeness of the 1950’s—disregarding the far superior music of past generations because that is just a whole different topic altogether.
I also know, however, that there is a reason that I was not born in a past era, and God knows exactly what He is doing.

While I may not know myself what His specific plans are for me, I know that when it is time, He will reveal His will to me, just as He will also do for you.

Remember, if you feel lost, or are struggling with where God has you at this point in your life, He has a purpose for you.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven”
Ecclesiastes 3:1

He is getting you ready to do whatever it is that He put you here on this earth to do.
Whether or not you know what that might be.

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Posted by on March 3, 2013 in Life in General


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